When someone has a successful pregnancy and is interested in becoming a surrogate to help another family, their partner is a huge source of support for that decision. We talked to some of the partners of Forward Fertility’s gestational carriers to ask them about their role, the questions they had during the process, and what they learned.
Jeremaiah’s partner, Megan, has helped two families grow through surrogacy.
Q. What was your initial reaction when Megan mentioned surrogacy and what questions did you have (i.e. safety, compensation, insurance, etc.)?
A. My initial reaction was not one of surprise as Megan talked about offering to carry for a friend who had previously had complications. The first question I had was if she would have a genetic link to the babies. As we learned more from Christie and other surrogates I felt more at ease knowing there would be no genetic connection. My second question was about how our own children would understand the process. At nine and seven years old for the first journey, they handled it better than most adults.
Q. What was your reaction or what changed when you started your second journey?
A. The biggest change was that we knew the process. As with anything the second time, we had a greater understanding of the journey. I had some concerns about delivery knowing every delivery is different and learning more about the possible complications other surrogates had experienced. Also, while we knew we were only transferring one embryo, there is always the risk of it splitting into twins. Megan’s first surrogacy with twins was hard, especially after 28 weeks.
Q. How did you provide support to Megan during the process (application process, matching, transfer, pregnancy, delivery, post-partum)?
A. I tried to give her the progesterone injections but she found that she preferred to do them. As with anything in life, I was there to provide support for Megan in any way possible. I went to the store for ice cream, held her hand in delivery, and helped wash pumping supplies. I like to think it was no different than if the babies had been ours. I still supported her every step of the way.
Q. What did you enjoy or learn during the process?
A. Learning how many people have fertility issues – so many people shared their stories with us and it was truly eye-opening. I enjoy talking to others about the process. Also, knowing that families are celebrating holidays with their children because women gave up over nine months to help them grow their families.
Q. Was the surrogacy journey different from what you expected?
A. Yes. I never thought that we would have the connection we have with the families we helped. We feel that our extended family grew in the process of surrogacy.
Also, we didn’t anticipate developing friendships with other surrogates. Christie’s dinners and meetups were great for getting to know other carriers.
Q. What insight or words of wisdom do you have for a partner/support person starting this process?
A. You are going to get a lot of questions and misconceptions from others in the process. Be ready to explain surrogacy to your friends, family, and strangers alike.
Q. Have your children needed extra explanation? Have your children been a source of support? Are they curious?
A. The kids were great from day one. We told them that families are formed in many ways (adoption, foster, marriage etc.) and surrogacy was just another way. They love seeing and hearing about the babies (who aren’t babies anymore).
Read more from other supportive partners: