Advice to Gestational Carriers and Parents from a Hospital Social Worker
We chatted with a social worker at one of the hospitals with the most deliveries each year in Wisconsin. They see a lot of gestational carriers and Parents to Be. We asked a few questions, and they shared their advice!
What tips do you have for gestational carrier matches regarding their hospital experience?
Advocate for your Team. Don’t be afraid to speak up or advocate on your own or each other’s behalf. The hospital staff are not perfect and sometimes mistakes are made. For example, if a hospital staff member is using incorrect language (i.e. calling the Gestational Carrier “mother”) please correct the staff person. If you do not feel comfortable addressing the staff member directly, reach out to a trusted member of the medical team, whether that is a nurse, social worker or physician and request their assistance.
Be Open to th
ings going Various Ways. Be flexible with your labor and delivery plan. It is good to have a general idea of how you would like the labor and delivery process to look. But sometimes, adjustments need to be made. Listen to your provider, ask questions, and make the best decisions for you and your family.
Consider assigning a Communication Point Person. Designate one support person to help disseminate information to other family members and friends. Following delivery everyone is going to want an update on how delivery went or how much infant weighs etc.! You will be busy either recuperating and/or caring for a newborn. Pick one or two people to communicate with and that individual can then communicate with others through a group text/social media etc. Let family and friends know that you will communicate directly when you’re feeling settled.
What are a few of the most important topics you think a Gestational Carrier Match should discuss before they get to the hospital?
Gestational Carrier Meeting the Infant. How will you handle the Gestational Carrier and/or her family meeting infant? Is this a desire of the Gestational Carrier? Are parents comfortable with her family meeting infant? Where and when would this visit take place?
What to do if the Parents are not at the Delivery. What if the parents do not make it to the hospital in time for delivery? What is the contingency plan for decisions regarding the infant’s medical care if parents are not present? Are there any decisions that the Gestational Carrier can make without talking to the parents first?
What are your personal boundaries? What are your personal boundaries while in the hospital? Under what circumstances might the Gestational Carrier prefer that the parents are not present in the labor/delivery room? What is the best way to communicate the desire for privacy?
Can you think of something you’ve seen that a gestational carrier has done to support a parent?
Relationship of Trust. The Gestational Carrier was an experienced parent and carried for a first-time single parent. The Gestational Carrier spent time with the parent and provided some guidance for general baby care. It was obvious that the pair had formed a strong relationship and really trusted each other.
Do any parents’ actions stand out as being particularly supportive of a gestational carrier?
Noticing when Other’s Struggle. A first time Gestational Carrier was having a difficult time saying goodbye to the infant. The parents were empathetic and allowed the her to spend some time with infant. They took pictures of the Gestational Carrier and infant together so everyone could remember the infant’s special birth story.